Happy Easter! A week of reflections.

So, I’m back in ze fatherland(or motherland, more like it). After 10 hours on two different flights (on one where the pilot said the somewhat unexpected words ”The turbulence is now over and we are hitting clearer skies. If you look out to you right hand side you can see the mountains of Afghanistan.” I saw the mountains of Afghanistan, pretty cool if you ask me) I landed in London and took the Metro to Mile End to meet my friend C. Pretty tired but a few beers and a good conversations easily made it worth the train ride and getting out of the airport. Next morning SAS took me home, landing med safely in Goteborg. I had arranged a pick-up by my brother, and we went home to my small apartment, which we now share for some time ahead. Even though its crowded its a good deal since I’m totally out of money. But that was seven days ago. Now I got some time to think my journey through, and reflect on all the things I did. I was only away for two months, but it feels like I managed to squeeze in a whole lot of activity. So what did I do?

Well, first of all (and almost the most important thing of all) I crossed the iron curtain of the EU and left Europe for the first time in my life. That was good. Then I landed in Thailand and I crossed Bangkok on the back of a motorcycle, dined at the Oriental Hotel (best Thai food in Thailand), had cocktails at the rooftop bar of the State Tower, I partied to the fullmoon at Koh Panang, I dove with angelfish and barracudas in the waters around Koh Tao, I got myself a bamboo stick tattoo, I visited a lady-boy sow, I went to the weekend markets in Bangkok and after that I flew out to Kathmandu and Nepal. There I went on a trek in the jungle, I rode on the back of an elephant and I bicycled around in the rural villages. I rode a motorbike around the Kathmandu Valley and I meet the monkeys in the monkey-temple. I strapped on my hiking boots again after flying into Lukla and on my own (more or less) walked all the way to EBC and the peak of Kala Pathar. Then I crossed the Cho-La pass (with Big-B) and walked for 11h straight because I got tired of being so damn cold. I jumped from a 160 meters high suspended bridge and I learned to do the Eskimo roll before throwing myself into some (from time to time) raging Himalayan rivers. Then I ran of the side of a mountain sitting in a harness and I had some (statistical) near death experiences riding buses on the nepali roads.

And more than anything else, I met a whole bunch of people. Some boring, some extremely interesting. No complete a-holes but a few I would now consider to be my friends. Amen.

So, did I find anything else? Inner peace, or maybe a solution tho the burning problems in this world? The ones reading this, knowing me and my darker secrets will now that the last few years have been hellish from time to time. So did I find anything, it would be closure. I managed to fight my way through a pitch black night but also making it to the other side. To release me from the emotional shackles I was left with I needed to end some things, and start others. What I needed to start was a project I could focus on, and a goal that would not generate anxiety och pain, but what one could maybe call happiness. So I did. Worked my ass of for almost a year, and in only 8 months of hard work at a job I didn’t like (and with lousy pay) I managed to save up enough money to get me flying. I left. A few things worked my way, managed to rent out the apartment to my brother for one thing, but not knowing what would happen when I came home I just had to fucking leave no matter what. I didn’t just leave Sweden behind when I left, I left hours and days of having to deal with some bad fucking shit behind as well.

Been back a week now. I never ran away from anything in my whole life. Never will. Facing stuff full on is what got me into some gritty places, but also what got me out of there. I have had some time to think somethings through, I’ve had some time to broaden my horizons. I didn’t find myself up in the mountains or deep in the sea, as I said I wouldn’t. I was here all along, all the things I love was here all along. I knew that. But distance makes the heart grow fonder. And home is where the heart is. I needed this project to focus on something strictly positive. And it has been one of the most amazing times of my life, I have absolutely loved every second of it. But I also needed the distance, to evaluate and re-evaluate what I need and what I don’t. Who builds me up, who tears me down? And where my heart was, I knew all along…

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